Real Ladies Wear Underwear

Okay, so I was sitting in class/work the other week and could not help but stare at this girl who was in the row in front of me, because her pants were dipping down so low in the back that you could see her crack. Yes, her crack. I don't know how she didn't know that thing was hanging out; you would think it would get a little drafty back there, no?

It got me thinking about why exactly some women choose not to wear underwear. I just do not understand. I find it disgusting, and with all of the new undergarment technology out there, there is really no good excuse not to. Are you wearing low-rise pants? They do make low-rise underwear, you know. My personal favorite is Hanky Panky's low-rise lace thong. It is made of super-stretchy, super comfortable lace, and one size fits almost all.

You say you don't want VPL (other wise known as "visible panty line")? Try Commando brand underwear. These things are totally thin and seamless. If they show underneath your clothing, do you think, perhaps, it's not a good idea that you wear something that tight??


What I really don't understand is when some women don't wear underwear when they are wearing short skirts. Really? You want to rub your vag all over dirty public surfaces and flash it to strangers? Worse yet for the rest of us, we have to sit on the juices that have rubbed off from your bare cooch. Yes, I know that sounded gross, but I'm trying to make a point! And the point is, in case you haven't gotten by now, please, for the love of sweet Jesus (and the rest of your fellow human beings), wear underwear! Me and your grandmother will thank you.

Boys are Idiots, Part III

Okay, so remember the idiot who thought so highly of himself that he thought I was going to sleep with him after only minutes of knowing him??? Well, a few days after breaking the news to him that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, I received this e-mail at 12:27 am. It was a freaking novel. Some of the things he said are just so unbelievable, I had to share. It kind of reminds me of the infamous “Dimitri.” Here are a few choice excerpts:

Next, I am confident in myself. I am not immediately concerned with what happens between us, beyond that we stay in contact. You have a life to live as do I and if something develops it does. If it does not, it does not. I am in no place to judge you or become upset if you go on a date or whatever. What you do in Dallas is your business. I am confident that if this is meant to be it is meant to be. If not we will both go on with our lives separately. But, one thing I will not do is let something slip through my fingers with out exploring it.

He won't let me slip through his fingers? Sounds like a bit of a control freak to me.

Maybe we will end up as friends, as lovers, as a fling, as a life experience or a love like no other. Who knows? It is far too early to tell. But, whatever it is we won’t know if we run away before we explore it. I don’t like talking on the phone either. And I’m not looking to take up all your time. I’m not looking to pressure you into anything. But I won’t allow myself go off into the sunset with out articulating my thoughts. We had a damn good night, and I think we could have a lot of fun.

A damn good night?? A drunken conversation that took place over a few hours at a blackjack table?? And I hate when people use the word "lovers." It conjures up images of frolicking in rainbows, playing with kittens, and riding in hot air balloons. Barf.

I have lived a life like few others. Some of it good. some of it bad, but all of it lead me to be the person that I am today. I may have come on a little strong, but I wasn’t going to go home wondering, “what if?” I won’t allow myself to live a life under a cloud of, “what if.” I make my own destiny. I won’t dwell on things but, I won’t allow myself to sit idly by and be a person who didn’t act. In my line of work we have a motto, (a bit cliché I know,) “Lead, follow or get out of the way.” I’m not much for “B” or “C.”

This dude is a walking, talking cliche.

We only get one time around on this ride and I won’t look back and see tons of regret or missed opportunities. I will look back and see one Hell of a story. The question is, are you going to write yourself out of it before we know what your role in it is?

Gag. Me.

Look, I had a great time and I think you did too. You said you were looking to explore what you wanted out of life and see what it was that you wanted. I am an excellent chance at that. I am looking to do the same. I think being as that we are going through similar things at the same time we may be a good balance for each other. Not too close and no too far. There is plenty of breathing room.

Uh, so he thinks that HE is what I want?

You have piqued my interest. But your decisions are yours to make. Don’t pass up a whole lot of fun and self discovery, when there are no expectations and no pressure from me. We hit it off pretty well as was evident by the evening in Vegas. I think you should look into this just a little before closing this door. And if you do decide to just know it isn’t locked. You can walk through it again whenever you like. I am not mad and I do understand, but why not have some fun?

In the words of Nancy Kerrigan, "WHY ME?"

Boys are Idiots, Part II

I think I might have to change the focus of my blog to the adventures of being single, because this is what my life has come to!

To further drive home the point that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have a simple, friendly conversation with a guy, and to further prove that guys never just want to be friends: A few weeks ago I was hanging out having brunch, when a friend of a friend showed up who was new to town. I, of course, being the friendly girl that I am, talked to this guy. We got on the subject of triathlons and marathons, and he mentioned that he needed someone to do some muddy buddy race with him in a few weeks. I said that I might be able to, but I wasn’t sure, but maybe we could at least get together sometime and go for training runs. He told me that he was just looking to meet new people, blah, blah blah, and I believed him. Well, after a week or two of texting and trying to figure out a mutually agreeable time to go for a run, I finally came to the conclusion that I am really too busy for all of this at this point due to the demands of the critical care nursing residency program I am in right now (and this is completely true), and told him this.

WELL, what do you know, he sent me a text back that he understood if I was too busy, but that he would like to take me out for dinner or drinks sometime. SERIOUSLY? Do I just need to stop talking to members of the male species all together? This is getting ridiculous. And I really thought this guy just wanted to be workout buddies. I can still be so gullible sometimes.

Boys are Idiots, Most of the Time

Notice how I used this word “boys” and not “men.” Anyhow, this is not consumerist-related, but I think it is worth discussing, because this is something that continues to amaze me. I have barely been single a month and already I have had to tell TWO guys the following, albeit a little bit sugarcoated:

“NO, I do NOT want to be in a relationship with you. Hello? Have I not told you that I JUST got out of a VERY long relationship? NO, I do NOT want to date you. NO, I do NOT want to just hang out or talk, even as friends. Please leave me alone.”

Somehow, it seems that guys get the impression that if you are not a complete bitch to them and if you talk to them for more than 2 minutes that you are so OBVIOUSLY into them and cannot wait to hang out with them again, have sex with them (YES, one of these dudes thought so highly of himself that he assumed that I would totally sleep with him if he had the proper protection on him that night. SERIOUSLY???????????), or go visit them in New Orleans. After only having known each other for half an hour, tops. Whoa, buddy, get a hold of your ego, there!!

Okay, so maybe in these two instances I might have given out my phone number when asked, but it was only out of not wanting to be perceived as being mean. Well, I have learned my lesson now. No more Miss Nice Girl from now on. I simply don’t have time for that crap anymore. Life is too short to spend parts of it talking to or dealing with people who irritate you or add no value to it.

It was already a step in the right direction for me to tell these two idiots point blank that I don’t want to be friends with them or talk to them anymore. This, by the way, is completely necessary, because if you agree to hang out with a guy under the pretense of “friends,” it is only a matter of time before he tries to make his way into your pants. I am of the school of thought that it is a rare occurrence that a straight guy will actually want to be platonic friends with a woman and nothing more. Feel free to disagree, but this has been my experience.

So now I just need to practice not giving out my number, as this will prevent me from suffering through future unwanted phone calls or text conversations in the first place. I have already figured out my line next time an idiot asks for my number: “Sorry, this just really isn’t a good time in my life for this right now,” or something to that effect. Do you think it will work??